definitions are tricky
If I say I hate asparagus, pretty much everyone knows what I mean. It means I really don't like it (which is absolutely true). Now watch what happens when I switch out asparagus for something else. If I say I hate Eric, pretty much everyone knows what I mean then, too. And pretty much everyone would agree that I don’t mean the same thing as when I said I hated asparagus. Why’s that? The same word was used. Even my tone (which can’t be captured here) could have remained the same and you would still understand the second usage of hate as something quite a bit stronger than the first. This works with love, as well.
I love my wife. And by that I mean that I have chosen to happily and without hesitation lay down my life for her. To which you, after reading that sentence, would probably be totally fine with that usage of love. What do I mean, though, when I say that I love roller coasters? Hopefully not the same thing as when I said I love my wife. Further, what do I mean when I say I love God?
What do we find if we turn to the dictionary (which, just to make sure there isn’t any confusion, I think is a good idea) for a definition of love? Several options.
an intense feeling of deep affection
a great interest or pleasure in something
a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
a score of zero
Feelings, pleasure, attachment, enthusiasm, devotion. All these definitions give us a sense of what love can mean, but none of them paint the entire picture. Love can mean you’re totally devoted to a person or it could mean you’re about to lose a game of tennis. I can say I love my wife and I love roller coasters and mean different things, because definitions are tricky.
context is king
What do we do when we can’t figure out what a word means in the Bible? A word study, of course!
Whether or not someone knows Greek (the language in which the New Testament was originally written), they probably know that ἀγάπη (agape) is a Greek word for love. And they probably know it’s used a lot in the New Testament. For instance, Paul uses it (and the verb cognate, ἀγαπάω (agapao)) 9-times in 13-verses in 1 Corinthians 13. (There’s another word for love in the New Testament, φίλος (philos)/φιλέω (phileo), but it is not used as often as agape. The tricky thing with philos/phileo is that it can sometimes mean friend, or even kiss.)
Defining words is not easy and defining an often used word like love is no different. In some places, like John 3:35, the definition seems pretty much self-evident. There the apostle writes, “The Father loves (agapao) the Son and has given all things into his hand.” One of the things I love about John is how he likes to use different words to mean the same thing. Later, in chapter 5, he writes almost exactly the same thing, but this time uses the Greek word phileo for love instead of agapao: “For the Father loves (phileo) the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing.” (If you’d like to look into this feature of John’s writing further, check out John 21:15-17.)
Moving out from the New Testament, but using the Greek translation of the Old Testament (the Septuagint, LXX), we could look at a verse like 2 Samuel 13:1, which reads: “Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time, Amnon, David’s son, loved (egapesen) her.” If you know this story, you might be a little concerned with the usage of the word love here, because what happens next is nothing short of horrific. Amnon takes Tamar and humiliates her because, as the text says, the love he had for her overcame him. And, less we think that there is something odd going on here with the English translation, the Greek translators of the Old Testament chose to use the word (egapesen), which is a form of the word (agapao). The same word used by the Apostle John for the love the Father has for the Son. Depending on the context—even in Greek—one word can mean something positive and true, and in another sense something twisted and dark.
We’ve arrived at the familiar conclusion that, even with an original language study, it’s context that drives the definition of love, because context is king.
LOVE IS OTHERS-FOCUSED
So, here we are once more at the question driving this article: What is love? We can continue to give thanks to God for the Apostle Paul, because he lays out some very helpful characteristics of love for us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as he writes:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
A couple things to note here right off the bat. First, this is almost certainly not an exhaustive list of characteristics for love. Second, this list can be divided up into two main categories: what love is/does, and what love is not/does not do.
Love is/does: patient, kind, rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
Love is not/does not: envy, boast, arrogant, rude, insist on its own way, irritable or resentful, rejoice at wrongdoing.
When we further stare at these characteristics of love, it becomes clear that one group focuses on others and the second focuses on the self. Those without love have little to no care for anyone other than themselves. They make much of themselves, and they’re rude when they do it. Instead of backing up and allowing someone else to lead, they insist that their way is best. God forbid they don’t get their own way, because they’re irritable and resentful. This, then, manifests itself into the tragedy of rejoicing when evil befalls others. Someone without love has become a person who has turned in on themselves, and to turn love around so that it is focused back on ourselves, is little more than the age-old idolatry of Genesis 3. I should make something clear here before going forward. Saying this is not the same thing as saying we ought not to care for ourselves or think we’re worthwhile as human beings. It’s exactly the opposite. Far from a call to think we’re worthless, it’s a call for us to love the God who loves us more than anyone else in the universe has or ever could. And, thus, gladly receive the love he has for us. This is the essence of true self-worth.
On the flip side, someone with love is patient and kind. They believe that another person’s time is just as important, or even more important than theirs. Those with love are kind to other people. They rejoice with the truth they find in the world. They bear, believe, hope, and endure in all circumstances. Someone with love lives their life in such a way as to see others (God and their neighbors) as the worthy recipients of their love. They are others-focused, because love is others-focused.
the embodiment of love
After the Israelites were freed from their 400-years of unjust captivity and forced labor in Egypt they found themselves on the edge of the Promised Land. An entire generation had died, but here they were, about to step into what God had been calling them to for 40-years. But…there was a problem; a big problem. They had become a forgetful bunch, who didn’t always trust the one who rescued them. So Moses exhorts them to remember their calling into a life intimately connected to God; to remember what it’s like to be the people of God in a world who doesn’t know him. And he does this by reminding them of who they are, and whose they are.
It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. (Dt. 7:7-8, ESV)
Lest any of the ancient Israelites of Moses’s day think that they were God’s people because they were great in number, he reminds them that they were actually the fewest of all peoples. In other words, they were not God’s people because of who they intrinsically were—a large collection of wanderers—they were God’s people because, as Moses says, “the Lord set his love on you and chose you.” There goes all their boasting in anyone but God. There goes all their reliance upon anyone but God. And there goes all their reception of self-worth from anyone that would say anything different than what God has already said. The Lord set his love on the ancient Israelites because he “loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers.” The ancient Israelites were loved by God because that’s who God was, and that’s who he continues to be today.
Fast-forwarding a few thousand-years, we find a similar thing being said about God and Christ from the Apostle Paul.
…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Ro. 5:8, ESV)
Can you imagine doing this for someone who was dead set against you? How about someone who had made it their life’s mission to discredit everything about you? How about someone who tried to destroy all you made? I can’t. But this was the exact situation God was in. He had reached out to a world he made with his hands—to a people he crafted individually—and he was met with a resounding, NO! So, what did he do? He decided it was best to step down into the world, live among his creation, teach them what it meant to be truly human, and then allow them to put him to death in the most horrific way possible at the time. While we were still going after anything but God, Jesus—the second person of the triune God—-gave up his life for us. Why did he do this? To show his love.
Understanding love is not merely to ascend to an appropriate definitional standard. Love is much more real and solid than that; it’s much more complex than that. In the end, love is a person. And that person, who is the embodiment of God, is by definition the embodiment of love.
a story about jesus
So, what would you say to friend who asked you to define love? Are you going to Google “What is love?” and then read off the first few definitions, putting together a definition of your own? At least you’d be doing some research. Maybe you do a word-study throughout the Bible? That’s not bad, either. You’ll get a lot of useful material. You might, though, just flip open your Bible to 1 Corinthians 13 and read aloud.
You could do any of those or none of them. One other thing you could do, though (which I think Paul would gladly approve of), is to read through the gospels until you know them like the back of your hand and then tell your friend a story about Jesus. The Jesus who preached to his followers about what it meant to be a part of the kingdom of God. The Jesus who didn’t turn away children, but warned those who did and would. The Jesus who confronted some of the religious leaders of his day who sought to control people instead of showing them God. The Jesus who healed people who trusted him. The Jesus who wept over Jerusalem before heading in to be crucified. The Jesus who resurrected, ascended, and sent the Spirit of God to minister to us as we live our lives.
To define love, just tell a story about Jesus.